"And now Harry, let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure."-Harry Potter

I've made it through TESOL training, which was a bit difficult for me . . .But I am FINISHED now and I'm headed to Thailand in two days.  A few things have changed and I will now be staying with my friend Jasmine and have a few possible teaching opportunities.  I discovered during my time in Montana that I don't necessarily love teaching English, so its relieving to know that I will be able to stay with my friend and "try" it out before committing to anything for a longer period of time.  It will also be nice because I have to travel 38 hours to get there and as such I will be an emotional wreck which Jaz will be able to put up with.

I'm enjoying my time at home for the next few days, sleeping and swimming and seeing friends.  It's so stinkin hot here though.  If all goes well my next post will be from sunny Thailand; the land of smiles!

"Beauty Will Save the World" -Dostoevsky

Well I've made it to Montana and it is absolutely beautiful.  Lakeside (The town the school is in) sits next to the beautiful mountain lake know as Flathead.  Its outlined by mountains that lead you into Glacier Park. The wildlife here is crazy.  Bear sightings are frequent, the deer appear domesticated, and I've been dived bombed twice by crows.  Today was my first day of class.  We went over the history of the English language, and then diagrammed sentences.  We have class from 8-5 this week and then next week we have class during those regular hours and teach in town in the evenings from 5:30-8:30.  Tomorrow and Wednesday we have quizzes and an essay is due on Monday.  It seems like it's going to be pretty intense, and it's only day 1!  There are 8 people taking the course and I like that its a small number because the base is fairly large and staff alone consists of around 130 individuals.  Being here has really made me stop and think about what I want to do with life.  I feel like I work really hard to make plans that I believe will lead me to be happy and I'm painfully learning that God wants to tell me what to do instead of me trying to decide.  This sounds like it would be freeing and I'm sure it is once you surrenderr, but I'm not sure at this point I trust him to take care of me.  I realize this sounds very silly but I think I'm brought here for this purpose as well; to give up control. Good thing I have a lot of time to process and listen., well that and spend 12 hours a day learning how to teach English.  Pictures to come soon!        

"You can go other places, all right - you can live on the other side of the world, but you can't ever leave home" The Mermaid Chair

I went for a walk the other night when I got home and it was wonderful out, or maybe it was just my mood, or maybe both.  The road in front of my parent’s house is lined with wheat fields and I was listening to American Honey on my iPod.  It was like a country song; cheesy and perfect.  When I got back I went for a swim in the bond and dried off by a stump my mom was burning.  It was a lovely evening.  Sometimes home is so magical.  I have a month before I leave now and I'm starting to get excited yet a bit anxious about saying goodbye.  I HATE transition periods and pretty much the first week of a new job, or a new house, or a new culture is scary as hell to me, but I’m trying to put it out of my head and keep the tears out of my eyes.


 I feel right now especially, but generally at all times, that I have this certain path that God's pushing me down and nothing else will satisfy me because when I get off of it my life gets hectic and ugly and I feel dirty and a mess.  It’s like I can feel that calling and have to follow it and I have absolutely no other choice.  The weird thing is I have no idea where the path is headed. I tend to rush into things so most of the time I don't get to see the big picture, just one step at a time.   I guess that’s the basis of faith but I’ve never seen it so practical before.  In Alice in Wonderland (the new one) there is a moment when Alice realizes that her previous trip to Underland was never a dream it was a memory.  Sometime I wonder if we were present with God before our earthly creation.  If God knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb, maybe we have some tiny recollection of the ecstasy where we knew God on a perfectly pure level, and then we crave that because it was something we once knew and want to reunite ourselves with again. A memory that we have almost lost.   At the beginning of the film the Hatter states that Alice has "lost her much-ness," but by the end she has become the Alice the characters met and came to know on her first journey when she was a little girl.  It would just explain that homesickness for Heaven that comes on sometimes or that feeling that you crave something that you know in your soul, but you just can't seem to grasp  or ever fully get .  Alice called it Wonderland when she was there the first time.  It seems appropriate.

Thanks for listening to my rambles.  Just the random thoughts of a crazy person.

"If adventures will not befall a young lady in her own village, she must seek them abroad." - Northanger Abbey

I know that God is sending me on this journey, and I'm realizing that it is because I need  to find Him in a new way.  All my life I've tried to complete myself with other people, first my family and then relationships, but I don't want that.  I want to belong to God fully, and this is my chance to go into solitude and discover who I am in Him with no distractions.  And I know that when I come back I'll realize He's been here waiting the whole time, I just needed to step outside to see it.  I feel like God's already begun to empty me so He can fill me back up.  Being emptied seems lonely and painful but it also feel nostalgic, and I have a sense of homecoming.  "A powerful kind of ache.  Half joy, have terrible sadness" (Harry Potter).  When I was in South Africa Kari told our group that she didn't want to come back a whole new person but simply a whole person.  I want to come back a WHOLE Sara, fully confident in who I am.  I need to tread on holy ground that isn't safe.  Where there is no plan B.  Where I have to fully rely on unending love and amazing grace so that they become the sustenance that I live on, and not simply words sung in a song.  I try to play it cool a lot, but the truth is I've been sinking into the world and standing on money and relationships and materials instead of Jesus, and I'm ashamed of it.  I apologize if I've come off as being religious.  I've been a scared little girl loving God one minute and  being ashamed of him the next, because I know I need him yet keep trying to fill myself with other distractions.  All this to say I'm not just headed out to experience new things and have an adventure, but to allow God to restore my soul.