"If adventures will not befall a young lady in her own village, she must seek them abroad." - Northanger Abbey

I know that God is sending me on this journey, and I'm realizing that it is because I need  to find Him in a new way.  All my life I've tried to complete myself with other people, first my family and then relationships, but I don't want that.  I want to belong to God fully, and this is my chance to go into solitude and discover who I am in Him with no distractions.  And I know that when I come back I'll realize He's been here waiting the whole time, I just needed to step outside to see it.  I feel like God's already begun to empty me so He can fill me back up.  Being emptied seems lonely and painful but it also feel nostalgic, and I have a sense of homecoming.  "A powerful kind of ache.  Half joy, have terrible sadness" (Harry Potter).  When I was in South Africa Kari told our group that she didn't want to come back a whole new person but simply a whole person.  I want to come back a WHOLE Sara, fully confident in who I am.  I need to tread on holy ground that isn't safe.  Where there is no plan B.  Where I have to fully rely on unending love and amazing grace so that they become the sustenance that I live on, and not simply words sung in a song.  I try to play it cool a lot, but the truth is I've been sinking into the world and standing on money and relationships and materials instead of Jesus, and I'm ashamed of it.  I apologize if I've come off as being religious.  I've been a scared little girl loving God one minute and  being ashamed of him the next, because I know I need him yet keep trying to fill myself with other distractions.  All this to say I'm not just headed out to experience new things and have an adventure, but to allow God to restore my soul.