"You can go other places, all right - you can live on the other side of the world, but you can't ever leave home" The Mermaid Chair

I went for a walk the other night when I got home and it was wonderful out, or maybe it was just my mood, or maybe both.  The road in front of my parent’s house is lined with wheat fields and I was listening to American Honey on my iPod.  It was like a country song; cheesy and perfect.  When I got back I went for a swim in the bond and dried off by a stump my mom was burning.  It was a lovely evening.  Sometimes home is so magical.  I have a month before I leave now and I'm starting to get excited yet a bit anxious about saying goodbye.  I HATE transition periods and pretty much the first week of a new job, or a new house, or a new culture is scary as hell to me, but I’m trying to put it out of my head and keep the tears out of my eyes.


 I feel right now especially, but generally at all times, that I have this certain path that God's pushing me down and nothing else will satisfy me because when I get off of it my life gets hectic and ugly and I feel dirty and a mess.  It’s like I can feel that calling and have to follow it and I have absolutely no other choice.  The weird thing is I have no idea where the path is headed. I tend to rush into things so most of the time I don't get to see the big picture, just one step at a time.   I guess that’s the basis of faith but I’ve never seen it so practical before.  In Alice in Wonderland (the new one) there is a moment when Alice realizes that her previous trip to Underland was never a dream it was a memory.  Sometime I wonder if we were present with God before our earthly creation.  If God knew us before we were formed in our mother’s womb, maybe we have some tiny recollection of the ecstasy where we knew God on a perfectly pure level, and then we crave that because it was something we once knew and want to reunite ourselves with again. A memory that we have almost lost.   At the beginning of the film the Hatter states that Alice has "lost her much-ness," but by the end she has become the Alice the characters met and came to know on her first journey when she was a little girl.  It would just explain that homesickness for Heaven that comes on sometimes or that feeling that you crave something that you know in your soul, but you just can't seem to grasp  or ever fully get .  Alice called it Wonderland when she was there the first time.  It seems appropriate.

Thanks for listening to my rambles.  Just the random thoughts of a crazy person.